A Nightmare for Us All

On Thursday night (6/25), The DIVA disappeared from our house.

She ran away from home.

I woke up Friday morning and got ready to take her to cheerleading practice. I went downstairs, only to have The Big Man tell me that she was gone. I checked the house, checked the garage and found her bike missing, then I started making calls. The first was to Dad. He was at work, so there wasn't a lot he could do from there, but he said to keep him posted and he'd do whatever he needed to. I called my father-in-law and had him pick up The Big Man and The Little Man, so that they didn't have to go through all the drama. I had no idea what this was going to entail, but I knew I'd have to call the police and report her missing, and I didn't want the boys to have to be stressed any further than need be.

The boys had just left when the officer finally showed up at the house. I wasn't good at the details for the report because I didn't know exactly what time she'd gone missing. Dad last spoke to her just after 8 PM on Thursday evening, before we'd all headed to bed. When he got up for work on Friday morning and went to leave the house at 6:40 AM, the house was still locked up from the inside, so at that point, we assumed she'd left between that time and around 7:45, when the boys went downstairs to watch TV. This was all the information I had to give the officer, other than the missing bike. I had only 2 places that she might have gone: cheerleading practice or the pool, as The Big Man said she's told him that she might go there. He made the report, gave me the case number and the info to contact him, then left to go try to locate her.

I then got in the van and headed out to see what I could find. I drove all over 3 cities, trying all the places I thought she might possibly be, and came up with nothing. I called every friend of hers that I had a number for, and no one knew anything. I got on Facebook (which I'd HIGHLY recommend in a situation like this), and I posted the fact that she was missing. I heard from people I knew back in high school, whom I hadn't spoken to in years, all who wanted to try and do what they could to help us find her. I also went through her friends list and sent them messages, letting them know that she'd run away and that we needed to locate her. I let them all know that any info they might provide would be confidential, so that in case they were worried that if they gave her up and didn't want her to be upset, that they'd know I wouldn't tell her who gave me the info and create conflict or drama. I called hospitals and urgent care centers, her therapist's office, middle and high schools (hey, I was desperate!), and none of the calls got me anywhere. I just kept calling family members to tell them that I didn't have anything to tell them. :(

On Friday evening, around 9 PM, Dad, the boys, and I got into the van to venture out yet again. We headed over to home of one of the friends she'd been with the previous day to see if she knew anything, since she hadn't answered any of my calls or emails that day. I met her parents for the first time, who were incredibly helpful to us. The friend was rather vague, and I detected a lie right away. Her parents didn't pick up on it, but I did. The mom and the friend then took us to another girl's home who lived nearby where I was now convinced The DIVA was hiding out, based on the girl's responses to our questioning.

When we got there, this other girl's parents were already in bed, with no kids in sight. She was very nice to me and introduced herself very politely, knowing who The DIVA was and having had her at their house that day. She got very worried though, not knowing who I was coming to get her, as she had no idea The DIVA was a runaway, of course. My cunning child had gone so far as to call yet another kid to have them pose as me, so that she could put this girl's dad on the phone to give her permission to stay over there! This really upset the mom, so she got the dad out of bed to verify what exactly was going on. WHAT A MESS! :( We all went inside and sat down to sort it out, with me being all apologetic about my kid's manipulation of their poor family and the mom's apologies for my kid being missing, as she felt the pain of what it would be like to be in my shoes. It certainly wasn't the way we'd all intended to be introduced to one another! LOL It was a great conversation though, as The DIVA is a great kid - this was simply a cry for attention at this time. We decided that we'd allow her to stay over one more night, as the girls had gone to a church dance. I would come and get her in the morning rather than have a scene when they arrived home at their midnight curfew, only to find that Mom had, indeed, found her secret hiding place after all. At least, it allowed ME and Dad to be able to rest easy (sort of), knowing that our child was safe and taken care of, instead of other places that my mind had led me that day...places that no mother ever wants to go.

I'm happy to say that The DIVA is home now and safe. I picked her up on Saturday morning, and we've been trying to work with her on some of the issues she's raised. She seems to feel that we never let her go anywhere or do anything. We're the "World's Meanest Parents," and we don't care about her at all. We've always tried to work with her and meet her in the middle on things she wants to do, but it's not always possible, for whatever reason. I feel very badly that she has such insecurities, but I cannot fix them for her....it's things that she has to work on for herself, but with our support. She needs to learn to trust us more. We've always been there for her, done our best to meet her every want (within reason) as well as her needs, and unfortunately, she's still of the mindset that it's not enough for her. I can only do so much though, and I will not give up being a parent to appease her desires. Not going to happen.

In talking with her friends after this, as a number of them have been messaging through Facebook now in response to mine, I've found that her actions have been bothering them as well but they just haven't said anything about it. This REALLY concerns me, but I know that they are far more likely to get through to her at this time of "teen angst" than we parents are. Since we are totally uncool losers, the opinions of her friends far supersede anything WE might have to say. ;) I've enlisted the help of some of these kids, including the girls that she was with these nights, to try and discuss some of her behaviors with her. I really do have faith that they will get through to her where we have been unable to lately. I know that kids do dumb things - we ALL did when we were their age - but at their age, they do need some leeway to find their own way. When safety is an issue, their option to handle things themselves is revoked, and Mom and Dad must step in to do it. It's SCARY AS HELL that she did this, and her friends are in total agreement. I mean, she biked 10-12 miles, in the dark, on a 4-lane highway, crossing one of the most dangerous intersections in town! Her friends have a lot to say to her about the safety issue of this and other things, and they also want to talk to her about her lying as of late.

I'm SO glad that they want to see her on the right path, as it's incredibly important for your kids to be surrounded by good friends with positive influences on them. I'm also happy to see that the parents of her friends and I are sharing the same values in raising our kids, and that they're not black-balling The DIVA for her mistakes during all this. I mean, they could easily tell their children that they're no longer to be friends with her now, due to concerns for what stuff she might get their kids into after this, but they've chosen to give The DIVA the benefit of the doubt, and I appreciate that. I feel that her friends' positive influence will be far greater on her, than any negative influence she might have on them (if any). It's still going to be a bumpy ride though for a while, for everyone.

WOW.

*breathes deeply*

Parenting is never easy...use the buddy system and a TON of common sense. ;)

Happy Father's Day to the World's Meanest Dad!

It's only proper that the World's Meanest Mom be joined in wedded bliss to the World's Meanest Dad, right?! So, today, I give him his due!

Dad gives us unconditional love, even when he hates us some days.

He gives us money from his never-ending toiling at his job, with which we keep our home and lives comforted.

He gives us joy in our days, when he takes us on family vacations and little outings. He gives me joy in my nights, when he snuggles up to me, and we wash away the stress of our days together.

He gives us all kinds of things, even when he's not really giving us anything at all. Just the fact that he keeps coming home after all those hard days at work, means the world to me. He still wants to be with us, even through the toughest times, and that's irreplaceable.

I have something in my life that other women will spend their whole lives searching for and never find, and I thank God for him every day of my life. No one can take his place, no man could be a better man than he is, and I want the world to know that he is taken. I'm so very happy that we've made this family together, and that we'll be raising it together, enjoying every moment with each other.

Happy Father's Day, Baby...I love you. XOXOXO

Today, I am OLD!

My baby girl is 14 today!

(sniff, sniff!)

I'm feeling very old and wrinkled today.
(Anyone got any "old lady cream" on them?)

As I look around at the majority of my old friends and high school classmates, most of them are either unmarried, newlyweds, or have very young families. A good number of them could call my kid to come and babysit theirs! (hint, hint) When they were all preparing their college applications and picking out prom dresses, I was changing diapers and working 2 jobs to pay for my apartment whilst I finished my senior year. I did miss a lot of events, but I don't regret it. It was just "stuff," and it certainly wasn't the end of the world.

I've often felt sorry for some of these people, mostly because they missed a lot of that quick growing up that I did. A lot of people that I used to know as friends, ditched me after my daughter was born. They were apparently "too cool" to hang around someone who was so matronly now. I chalked it up to their loss, but frankly, I've never gotten over that hurt they caused me then. I have never blamed my child for things other people felt I lost out on, because I never missed it. I was too busy with important things, like seeing my baby's first smile, watching her crawl for the first time, and helping her take her first steps, all before college even started that fall. No one I knew had the joy of such miracles in their life!

The DIVA goes to high school in the fall. She will carry with her a group of friends, some of which she'll retain until graduation, some that will fade and be replaced a few times along the way. I'm going to be the youngest mom of them all. Her friends have come to know that, even though this is a fact and that I'm pretty cool, they can't pull any crap with me! I am more than happy to be on the level with them and be their friend, but I will ALWAYS be the parent first. Most of them are quite satisfied with this, a few are not so much....those are the ones I worry about. Those are the ones who are most like I was back all those years ago. ;)

As I watch my sleeping angel baby, who used to be so tiny but who's now taking up a king-size bed, I see how far she's come...how far we've both come. It's amazing to see how beautiful and spunky and sweet she's become. The DIVA never ceases to test my patience, but she's become a professional apologizer in her own right. ;) The past 14 years have been the best of my life, and I wouldn't change them for anything.



*Totally off topic....When we went shopping for this dress for The DIVA's 8th Grade Promotion Dance, SHE picked this one out herself. It bears a similarity to the dress that I wore to my own 8th grade dance. Mine was also black & white with spaghetti straps - black with white polka dots, as a matter of fact. If I dug out the photo and showed it to her, she may very well die of embarassment, you know. ;)

Remorse...we all have it

You know, I was reading an article today...

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/alec-baldwin-very-serious-about-suicide-following-leaked-voicemail-to-daughter/23911#comments

And I wondered, aloud, about feeling this same sense of shame. Yeah, I get upset at my kids, and I've also gotten to the point where I have said some things that I have regretted later on. YES, I ADMIT IT - SO WHAT?! I'm woman enough to do it, and in this public arena too. I'm also woman enough to say that I feel horrible about it afterward. I have also apologized for my behavior, after everyone calmed down and we all regained our composure. I've taken these rare opportunities to use my negative behavior to show my children that I'm human and that I, too, make mistakes. It is possible to come back from something bad and turn it around into something good, you know.

We're all entitled to have our moments of weakness, as our emotions can eat us away inside, however we're not allowed to hurt others in that process. It's up to us as parents to set the very best example we can, but there are times when we do mess up. Fortunately, a lesson can be learned from that, and we can use those moments where we've failed our children, to teach them how NOT to act and how NOT to treat others. What better example to use than those we set, and sometimes, it can be the negative ones that will leave the biggest impression. If we are able to make a right out of our wrong, to show our remorse and prove our sincerity within our apology, it's going to impress upon them that you did not mean what you said and that you wish to make it right for them. Their hurt will diminish much faster than if you simple seek an apology and don't explain how you were in the wrong. It's not about you're feelings, it's about theirs!

This may be where Alec messed up, at least in the public's eyes. Because he didn't make a huge production and sky-write it, with his child standing in front of him and all the cameras, he somehow didn't make this up to her. BS! Alec Baldwin, IMO, deserves nothing more or less than what his daughter thinks he does. If she's willing to forgive him and move on, than that is all that matters. It's not up to us to pass judgment on their relationship, nor is it up to his ex-wife to get involved here. It's between those two people alone, and for them to repair their relationship, if they wish. I feel badly for both of them, for this whole situation, as family affairs like this do not deserve the spotlight. I wish them the very best.